Stay-At-Home Parenting is a Full-Time Job, but Worth the Effort
By Kelly Bastron

Every day Heidi Pommer, '94, steps around toy trains, picks up scattered Cheerios from the kitchen floor and bandages her 2-year-old's boo-boos. Her days are full of playing pretend, Dr. Seuss books, macaroni and cheese and swingsets.

Pommer left her career as a high school English teacher to stay at home with her two sons, Josiah and Isaac, four years ago. Now, her job as a stay-at-home mother exceeds 100 hours each week. No paycheck arrives at the end of rough month, and the job description alone is daunting: childcare, counseling, transportation, cooking, housekeeping, and nursing.

"My kids do not wake up each morning and pat me on the back and tell me what a great job I am doing. No one hands me any money or awards for being at home," she said.

Today's stay-at-home parents would earn $131,471 in annual salary, including overtime pay, if they were doing the same work for an actual employer, according to Salary.com.

About 5.4 million moms and 98,000 dads in the United States are giving up their benefits, 40-hour workweeks, and salaries to be with their children full time, according to the 2003 U.S. Census. The job is one with challenges of boredom and exhaustion, but parents are taking the chance that staying home is a decision with worthwhile results.

Krisi Sonneland, '94, defines her job as a mother as loving and nurturing her children as best she can.

"It is harder than I thought but has brought more joy than I ever expected," she said.

Growing up with a mother at home, Sonneland always knew that she would stay at home with her children. After graduating, she taught preschool and worked part time at Camp Spalding, a summer camp run by her husband, but looked forward to having a family. Once her first child was born, Sonneland left the workforce.

"It was a big adjustment, but not a hard decision," she said.

Now with children -- ages 2, 4, 6, and 8 -- running around, Sonneland has her work cut out for her. But she is grateful she has been around to watch her four children grow.

"It is just having the time to see so much growth and character development, and watch their relationships together," she said. "They definitely are best friends, and that is a joy for us to see."

Sonneland admits that staying at home means exhausting weeks and stressful hours. Spending all day with her children, busy with laundry, dishes, cleaning and home schooling leaves little room for hobbies and relaxation. But Sonneland said all stay-at-home parents need to find some sort of outlet to take care of themselves.

"Have one or two close friends to support you…that you can connect with," Sonneland suggests.

She also runs, cros- country skis, scrapbooks, and knits to overcome the exhaustion and boredom that come with being a full-time parent.

Remaining at home is a decision she never regrets. Sonneland believes that despite society's emphasis on quality time being a planned event, special instances with her children happen when she least expects it. Being at home full time has allowed her access to the milestone moments.

"There are so many small, spontaneous situations you can't plan, you can't fabricate or describe," she said. "Their first words, first laughs, first learning to read…you cannot force these at certain times."

For John Haberlin, '91, and his wife, Polly, deciding who would stay home was a financial decision. From the time they were married, they knew that when they started a family someone would be at home with the children. The decision for John to remain at home with their new daughter, Anna, wasn't a difficult one. His wife is a physician and he was making a smaller salary as a teacher.

"I planned on doing this all along so it wasn't much of a decision," he said.

Eight years later, Haberlin remains at home with his now 8-year-old daughter and 7-year-old son, John Bruce, enjoying his opportunity to witness each phase of their lives.

Haberlin works hard to stay involved in his children's lives now that they both are in elementary school and wants to prove he takes his job at home seriously. He volunteers twice a week in the classroom and is home waiting for them every day.

"I've gone in and volunteered so a lot of the kids know me, know what kind of person I am, that I'm not just hanging at home doing nothing."

Most people see his being a stay-at-home father as an admirable life choice, he said.

"As a dad, I am there for my family, being an example to my kids, being a teacher to my kids, being there to help them out, being a husband to my wife, giving them a family they don't have to worry about," he said.

Every carpool run, load of laundry and lunchbox packed is worth the effort because he loves being there when his kids get home, watching the little things that make up their lives, and just being around, he said.

"Make it a priority at least to have somebody at home with the kids," he advises. "And make sure it's right for you, that it is not something you will be resenting, but is something that will make you happy."

Like most parents, Haberlin has the future in mind. He wonders what returning to the work force would be like, especially what his extended time at home would look like on a résumé.

Pommer believes the skills she developed as a teacher are now hard at work at home. When she has doubts about whether her staying at home is worthwhile, Pommer looks at the long-term benefits of her stay-at-home career. She hopes to raise her sons so that when they are grown, she will have made a difference in their lives.

"I think the most rewarding part of being at home with my children is knowing that I am investing in something that has eternal benefits," Pommer said."I am always asking myself, is what I am doing making a difference for eternity? Jesus tells us to store up for ourselves treasure in heaven and I think raising my children is part of fulfilling that command."

Motherhood is the profession into which she has been called, she said.

"Motherhood is a calling," she said."Proverbs 31 is a chapter I often read when I need to be reaffirmed in that calling. It describes a mother who is strong, compassionate, wise, resourceful, and extremely hard-working. That is the kind of mom I want to be."

With each stubbed toe, dirty dish, and sticky hug, Pommer finds herself in the career she always dreamed of. She has a job she is passionate about and loves working to live up to its demands.

"There will come a day when other influences will surpass mine and I want to make sure that their foundation is solid, that my children know who they are and whom they belong to ultimately," she said. "I see my children as gifts from God that I am accountable for, and that is a great responsibility.