Standing on Common Ground
By Joy Hargis

Personal Essay

I got the call around 8 a.m. Monday. My sister was in the hospital unexpectedly and undergoing multiple tests. Then we were hit with the heart-breaking news: Cancer. When I first heard that my 19-year-old sister had a cancerous tumor, I could not control the sobs. The diagnosis was serious, especially because my sister had battled cancer once before.

Michelle Baldwin was a Whitworth senior whose father had been diagnosed with cancer a couple years before. She and I were both in the Women's Choir. But because she was a soprano and I an alto, we rarely talked in class. We were two strangers, unaware that we shared a common struggle. But it wasn't until the Christmas choir tour that we discovered just how similar we were.

After our first concert in Gig Harbor, Michelle and I were sent off to stay with a host family for the night. As we made casual conversation over hot cocoa and popcorn, we discovered each other's family cancer stories. That night, before I drifted off to sleep, I said a quick prayer thanking God for the possibility of this new friendship.

From then on, Michelle and I talked non-stop on the bus rides about boyfriends, graduation and life. We were open and vulnerable with each other. We built trust, a trust that knitted us together in a patchwork of uncertainties and hope.

We talked even about baldness. The first time I saw my sister without any hair, a result of chemotherapy, I tried hard not to tear up. Her baldness was so trivial when compared to the tumor inside, but it illustrated reality in a tangible and unforgiving way. Michelle struggled when she saw her dad deteriorate from cancer. He came to our final concert performance, despite the physical demands of sitting in a hard pew for even an hour. Smiling was hard.

We all only may be blessed with one or five or ten good friends who will last us a lifetime. Whether my friendship with Michelle continues for a month, a year or ten years, I know that God gave us both a gift on that late December day. My sister eventually was given a clear diagnosis. Michelle's dad continues to battle his cancer. Even though we faced slightly different situations, we found in each other companionship and understanding. We shared an analogous struggle. Perhaps the reason we bonded so quickly was because we knew what each other was going through. We could find common ground.