Diploma in Lay Ministry
Pastoral Care & Ministry
Participant Hand-out
Whitworth University
June 6-10, 2011
Topics include: Highlights some of the pastoral care and people-helping skills that are helpful in any position of ministry.
Pre-Class Assignment: Read Haugk’s Don’t’ Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart
Outline:
- Introduction
- Theology of Pastoral Care
- Pastoral Care vs. Pastoral Counseling
- Theology of Suffering
- Ministry of Presence
- Healing Words vs. Hurting Words
- Grief Care
- Christian Resources
- Ethical Issues
- Suggested Reading
Introduction
- Share your name, ministry context, where you are in the diploma program
- What’s one thing/learning that you want to take away with you today?
- What excites you about pastoral care? What scares you?
Theology of Pastoral Care
- Post-modernity & Relevance
- Priesthood Of All Believers
- Heb 6:20; 1 Pet 2:9; Rev. 5:10
- Diakonia
- Acts 6: 1-7
- What does this passage remind us about ministry of the word and waiting on tables?
- Theological Themes
- Give examples in pastoral care for:
- Alienation & Reconciliation
- Spiritual death & Rebirth
Care-Giver vs. Cure-Giver
- Differing Responsibilities
- 1 Cor. 3:6-7
- Share an experience when you planted or watered and God gave the growth/cure.
- Share an experience when you viewed yourself as the cure-giver. What happened?
- Have you ever had an experience where you completely trusted God? What happened?
Pastoral Care vs. Pastoral Counseling
- Socio-Psychological History
- Definitions:
- Pastoral Care is the broad, inclusive ministry of mutual healing and growth within a congregation and its community, through the life cycle.
- Pastoral Counseling, one dimension of pastoral care, is the utilization of a variety of healing (therapeutic) methods to help people handle their problems and crises more growth-fully and thus experience healing of their brokenness.
- Pastoral psychotherapy: the utilization of long-term, reconstructive therapeutic methods when growth is deeply and/or chronically diminished by need-depriving early life experiences or by multiple crises in adult life.
- Pastoral care is a response to the need that everyone has for warmth, nurture, support and caring. This need is heightened during times of personal stress and social chaos. Pastoral counseling is a reparative expression of pastoral care, seeking to bring healing to those who are suffering from crisis-induced dysfunction and brokenness.
Howard Clinebell, Basic Types of Pastoral Care & Counseling
- Share an example of when you have experienced pastoral care? Counseling? Psychotherapy? What made them distinct? Which have you had experience in providing?
- “Referral is not a pastoral failure. It is a subtle and important helping art….I propose that we think about it as illustrative of the more generally useful skill of helping people to focus their needs and clarify their feelings.”
Thomas W. Klink, The Referral, Helping People Focus Their Needs
- Whom to Refer
- Those whose needs obviously surpass the minister’s time and/or training
- Those who need medical care (meds) and/or institutionalization
- Those about the nature of whose problem one is in doubt.
- Those who are severely depressed and/or suicidal.
- Those toward whom the minister has a strong negative reaction or intense sexual attraction.
- When you are in doubt—refer.
- Signs of Severe Mental Disturbances
- Persons believe that others are attempting to harm them
- They have delusions of grandeur about themselves
- They show abrupt changes in their typical patterns of behavior
- They have bizarre ideas/fears that cannot be influenced by logic.
- They engage in repetitious patterns of compulsive actions of obsessive thoughts.
- They are depressed to the point of near stupor or are strangely elated or aggressive.
- They withdraw into their inner world, losing interest in normal activities.
- “Properly conceived, referral is a means of using a team effort to help a troubled person. It is a broadening and sharing, not a total transfer of responsibility.”
Howard Clinebell, Basic Types of Pastoral Care & Counseling
- Role Playing: Referral
- Break into triads (3 min. role play, 3 min. debrief)
- Care-giver: listens & makes appropriate referral
- Care-receiver: shares the situation/case/presenting problem
- Observer-Coach: notes indications of appropriateness of referral, watch timing of referral
Theology of Suffering
5 Smooth Stones for Pastoral Work --Ch 3.The Pastoral Work of Pain-Sharing: Lamentations by Eugene Peterson
“The modern humanist traditions see suffering as a deficiency—usually under the analogy of sickness. Something has gone wrong, and a therapist is called in to set it right.” p. 111
Give an example of when you have seen this perspective at work.
Among other things pastoral work is a decision to deal, on the most personal and intimate terms, with suffering. It does not try to find ways to minimize suffering or ways to avoid it. It is not particularly interested in finding explanations for it. It is not a search after the cure for suffering. Pastoral work engages suffering. It is a conscious, deliberate plunge into the experience of suffering. The decision has its origin and maintains its integrity in the scriptures which shape pastoral ministry. p. 93
What are the advantages/disadvantages to disregarding the explanations for suffering?
When we are involved in Christian care-giving are we trying to minimize suffering? Why or why not?
What are the dangers of plunging into another’s suffering? What is gained?
- God enters in
- The bible doesn’t explain or eliminate suffering but shows God entering into the life of suffering humanity, accepting and sharing suffering. p. 93
- How is suffering viewed in Isaiah 53?
- We enter in
- Pastoral Work) faces suffering, encounters suffering. It doesn’t do anything about it. It doesn’t give an answer. It doesn’t’ provide a remedy. Encouraged by Lamentations, the pastor will have the strength to do far less in relation to suffering, and be far more. Pastors will not give in to the temptation to fix the sufferer and will engage in a ministry which honors the sufferer. P. 113-114
- Night—Elie Wiesel
- Where is He? Here he is. He is hanging here on this gallows… p.62
- How do you interpret Wiesel’s quote?
- How do you feel about not doing anything about suffering/not giving answers/not providing a remedy? What do you need to do less of? Be more of?
Biblical Understanding of Suffering
- What do you learn about suffering from the following passages:
- Christ caring thru people
Ministry of Presence
- Being with the other
- Show that you are physically present (non-verbal indicators): strength
- Show that you are mentally present (active reflective listening): mind
- Show that you are emotionally present (acceptance, (UPR), grace): heart
- Show that you are spiritually present (openness to spirituality, resources): soul
- Physical Presence: Non-verbal Indicators
- What did it look like when caregiver wasn’t present/ was present?
- Mental Presence: Active Listening
- Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians, because Christians are talking when they should be listening. He who no longer listens to his brother [or sister] will soon no longer be listening to God either….One who cannot listen long and patiently will presently be talking beside the point and never really speaking to others, albeit he be not conscious of it. Dietrich Bonhoeffer Life Together
- How is listening to our brothers/sisters connected to listening to God?
- Listening that leads to healing
- Emotional Presence: Acceptance
- You bring Jesus: 1 Jn. 4:12
- Spiritual Presence: Openness to spirituality
- Where do you see God in this?
- How might your the situation be affecting your faith?
- Summary of Helping skills
- Attending & caring behavior
- Inviting the person to talk
- Following the person’s lead
- Empathetic responding
- Clarification
- Role Playing: Ministry of Presence
- Break into triads (3 min. role play, 3 min. debrief)
- Care-giver: attends to ministry of presence
- Care-receiver: shares the situation/case/presenting problem
- Observer-Coach: notes how care-giver is
- Present: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually
- Which is strongest, weakest?
- Allowing/not allowing receiver to lead
- Windows—found & missed
The Wounded Healer
- Carl Rogers , On Becoming, p. 74
- Henri Nouwen, The Wounded Healer, Legend from the Talmud p. 83
Rabbi Yoshua ben Levi came upon Elijah the prophet while he was standing at the entrance of Rabbi Simeron ben Yohai’s cave…He asked Elijah, “When will the Messiah come?”
Elijah replied, “Go and ask him yourself.” “Where is he?” “Sitting at the gates of the city.” “How shall I know him?”
“He is sitting among the poor covered with wounds. The others unbind all their wounds at the same time and then bind them up again. But he unbinds one at a time and binds it up again, saying to himself, “perhaps I shall be needed: if so I must always be ready so as not to delay for a moment.’”
- Where is Messiah to be found? Where today?
- What was Messiah doing? Does this contradict your understanding of Messiah?
- We are called not only to care for our own wounds and the wounds of others, but also to make our wounds into a major source of healing power. Nouwen, p.84
- What are our wounds?
- Why is loneliness a gift? What does it reveal?
- How can wounds become a source of healing?
- Hospitality & Community
- “A minister is not a doctor whose primary task is to take away pain. Rather, s/he deepens the pain to a level where it can be shared.”
- When have you experienced a deepening of pain that was healing?
- “Christian community is therefore a healing community not because wounds are cured and pains are alleviated, but because wounds and pains become openings or occasions for a new vision.
Talmudic Story continued:
“Peace unto you, my master and teacher.” The Messiah answered, “Peace unto you, son of Levi.”
He asked, “When is the master coming? “Today,” he answered.
Rabbi Yoshua returned to Elijah, who asked, “What did he tell you?” He indeed has deceived me, for he said ‘Today I am coming’ and he has not come.” Elijah said, “This is what he told you: ‘Today if you would listen to His voice.’” (Psalm 95:7)
Healing Words vs. Hurting Words
Helping
And some kind of help
Is the kind of help
That helping’s all about.
And some kind of help
Is the kind of help
We all can do without.
Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends
- Contact Clip
- What did the pastor’s comment reveal about his comfort level? His theology of suffering?
- What did the girl’s response reveal about her theology? Her feelings?
- How would you have tried to comfort the girl?
- Kenneth Haugk, Don’t Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart
- What’s the biggest obstacle/fear to care-giving?
- General model of a caring conversation
Debrief Pastoral Experiences
- Share insights from pre-class visitation assignment.
- Role Playing/Reality—Practice Session
- Break into triads (5 min. role play, 5 min. debrief)
- Care-receiver: shares the situation/case/presenting problem
- Observer-Coach: notes how care-giver is
- Present: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually
- Allowing/not allowing receiver to lead
- Finding/missing windows
- Using helpful & hurtful words
- What is my motivation for caring? Spend 5 min. reflecting on and journaling your motivation for caring.
Grief Care
- What is a loss that you have experienced?
- Why Not Me? A Grace Disguised, Jerry Sittser
- Death /suffering points us to a realization that the universe is not safe.
- What are some unrealistic expectations that you carry with you?
- Why do we tend to seek explanations for the bad things that happen to us but not the good things?
- Grace
- Justice is experiencing all of the consequences of all of our actions (D. Allen)
- “I would prefer to take my chances living in a universe in which I get what I do not deserve—again, either way.”
- How do you interpret Sittser’s statement? Do you agree/disagree?
- Kubler-Ross’ On Death & Dying
- Cultural Attitudes Toward Death & Dying
- 5 Stages of Coping Mechanisms of Terminally Ill Patients
- Informing children can be the most difficult task: understanding depends on age
- Under 3: only concerned about separation
- 3-5: death is temporary, like planting bulbs
- 5-8: death is a bogeyman who takes people away (can be exacerbated by saying that God needed someone in heaven)
- 9-10: realistic conception begins to show that death is a permanent biological process
- Sharing Experiences of Grief--Shadowlands
- To what extent was Lewis & Douglas’ experience of loss similar to a grief of your own or someone close to you?
- What of your past or present griefs did the film remind you of?
- What things were helpful to you during your grief that we haven’t mentioned?
- Dynamics of Grief The Caring Church, Howard Stone
- Nouwen John & Mr. Harrison p. 52-54
- What do Mr. Harrison’s comments reveal about his thoughts of death?
- How does/doesn’t John pick up on the subject?
- How would you assess Mr. Harrison’s readiness to die?
- How did John respond to this?
- How do you interpret Harrison “If this is the end, this is one who’s gonna be lost.”
- How would you respond to this comment?
- Who was waiting for Mr. Harrison?
- What was Harrison’s trap?
- How could John have led Mr. Harrison to tomorrow? What was John’s task?
Distinctively Christian Caregiving
- Difficulties
- Write down five difficulties you have experienced in trying to care in a distinctly Christian manner.
- Small group exercise
- Read the following scriptures:
- The Last and the First Mt. 20:1-16
- Whom to Pay What? Mt. 22:15-22
- The Talents Mt. 25:14-30
- Who is the Greatest? Mk 9:33-37
- The Good Samaritan Lk. 10:25-37
- The Prodigal Son Lk 15:11-32
- The Adulterous Woman Jn. 7:53, 8:1-11
- Respond to these questions:
- In your Scripture passage identify the caregivers and the care receivers.
- What qualities, attitudes, and values typify the caregiver in these Scriptures? What specific actions does Christ suggest for the caregiver in each scripture?
- What is distinctively Christian about the attitudes and actions Christ suggests in each of these Scripture passages?
- How does Christ’s suggested action coincide with or go against your normal ways of thinking and doing things?
Christian Resources
- Two thousand years of Christian ministry have conditioned Christians to expect their pastors to be with them a these times of crises. Therefore, the Christian pastor comes to his(or her) task in the strength of a great heritage. Even though he(she) feels a sense of awe in the presence of the mysterious and tremendous crises of life, he(she) also feels a sense of security in the fact that his(her) people both want and expect him (her) to be present at their times of testing.
Wayne Oates, The Christian Pastor
- How do you feel about the expectation that you will be there in times of crisis?
- Discerning Spiritual Needs
- Sacraments
- Blessing
- Num 6:24, 2 Cor 13:14, Phil 4:7, Heb 13:20
Role Playing: Touching Spiritual Depths
- Death, Depression, Doubts
Ethical issues
Servitude Servanthood
Overidentification Empathy
Taking on the problems of the Feeling with the other while
other at the expense of retaining a good measure of
losing your own identity. objectivity; maintaining
your own identity.
Superficial sweetness and Genuineness
Gushiness
Compensating for frustration Being yourself, wounds and
Or anger by covering up feelings. All; acting congruently.
Being Manipulated Meeting Needs, Not Wants
Allowing the other to abuse Being straightforward about
your relationship. your feelings, speaking the
truth in love; confronting another
when it is called for.
Begrudging Care Intentionality
Complaining about your Choosing to be in a caregiving
caregiving relationships. relationship, or getting out of it
when that is what is best for
all concerned.
Kenneth Haugk, Christian Caregiving
Suggested Reading
Kenneth Haugk, Don’t Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart, (St. Louis: Stephens Ministries, 2004)
Kenneth Haugk, Christian Caregiving, (Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1984)
Henri Nouwen, The Wounded Healer, (New York: Doubleday, 1972)
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together, (New York: Harper & Row, 1954)
Eugene Peterson, 5 Smooth Stones for Pastoral Work, (Atlanta: John Knox, 1980)
Howard Clinebell, Basic Types of Pastoral Care & Counseling, (Nashville: Abington, 1984)
Philip Yancey, Where is God When it Hurts?, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1977)
Edwin H. Friedman, Generation to Generation, (New York: Guilford, 1985)
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, On Death and Dying, (New York: Scribner, 1969)
Howard Stone, The Caring Church, (Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1991)
Jerry Sittser, A Grace Disguised, (Grand Rapids: Zondevan, 1995)
Henri Nouwen, The Wounded Healer, (Garden City: Doubleday, 1972)
Elie Wiesel, Night, (New York: Bantam, 1960)
Michael Bush, This Incomplete One, (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2006)
Donald Capps, The Poet’s Gift, (Louisville: WJKP, 1993)
Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son, (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1987)